When Your Client's Beliefs Scare You

Have you ever been in session and suddenly found yourself flooded - not by your client’s pain, but by your own fear?

Fear of what they just said.

Fear of what they believe.

Fear of what it might mean about the world you both live in.

If so, you are not alone. And you are not broken.

Most of us got into this field because we believe in healing, in human dignity, in the power of connection. But what happens when you sit across from a client who expresses a belief that opposes one of your core values?

A belief that feels dehumanizing?

A belief that feels dangerous?

Our nervous systems don’t check our credentials before they react. For many of us, fight, flight, or freeze shows up before we even find words. And in that moment, we’re being asked to do something that feels impossible: hold the space with compassion and clarity, even as our own internal alarm bells are going off.

If it feels harder than ever to sit across from someone whose worldview clashes with your own, that’s not just in your head.

Over the last 30 years, political polarization in the U.S. has grown dramatically. A Pew Research study comparing core political values (e.g., immigration, environmental protections, LGBTQ+ rights, racial discrimination) found that the space for common ground has been shrinking at record levels.

Even more troubling: globally, political differences are characterized by growing “out-group hate” and declining “in-group love.” It’s not just that we disagree; it’s that we actively dislike, fear, and distrust each other before the conversation even begins.

As therapists, this puts us in an incredibly complex position.

Some practitioners may be able to avoid encountering clients on the other side of the divide, by way of marketing their practice to appeal to the clients who are most likely to share their political beliefs. Others may work for agencies where they have little control of their client population. Or, if you are like me, you may value curiosity toward the entirety of the human experience, even when it scares you. And - if we hope to one day live in a society with less polarization, developing our capacity to perspective-take and to teach that skill to others may be our best path forward.

I'll be writing a few blog posts in the coming weeks about what to do when your client's beliefs scare you. And for those who could use more resources and support, I'll be doing a workshop series on this in October. I hope you can join me!